“There is a time for everything, and a season for everything under the sun”
-Ecclesiastes 3:1
There are beginnings and endings to every stage in life. Through out college, I have been learning this over and over. We begin and end and begin again. I am learning that there is an appropriate time for each season and step.
The Bible says that there is a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to keep and a time to throw away; a time to tear and a time to mend. This verse came to my mind as I drove back up to Tallahassee. I was feeling pretty introspective as a thought began to reverberate around in my head. Yes, some seasons are beginning and some are ending…
But what about the times when I can’t tell which is which?
How do I know when it’s time to keep or time to throw away? How do I know when to tear down and when to mend?
Sometimes, and for me, now is one of those times, a season in life is not what it seems. An end can feel like a beginning, or more often, a beginning can feel like an end.
The end of college, the end of a job, the end of a relationship or even the end of a dream; it can feel like the end. But it’s really just the beginning of something new. That’s where I am now. I’m wondering, is this the end of a season? Or the beginning of something altogether different? And how, O how, do I gain the wisdom to know the difference?
Now, my prayer is like that of the Psalmist:
“Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom”
-Psalm 90:12
Teach us, God, to know the difference.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Wrapping things up...
I have finally come to the end of what, I’m sure, will be one of the most memorable summers of my life. Nashville, you have been everything I could have asked for.
Three months have passed since I (actually, my mom… thanks, Mom!) packed up everything in Tallahassee, bid farewell to Comfortable, and said Hello to the great unknown. My summer in Nashville had been over a year in the making. From the crazy God-story of meeting Nancy Alcorn, to the application process and the preparation, to the actually event of moving out, tying up loose ends and then actually going: These three months did not come easy.
And I had high hopes about my summer in Nashville. If you had asked me about my goals for the summer, I would have had a couple of different things to mention. For starters, I was SURE that I was going to meet famous people everywhere. I mean, tons of famous musicians hang out in Nashville! Who’s to say that they won’t be hanging out around me? Well, I did meet some pretty awesome musicians, mostly because of Stacie’s family and their connections to the music industry. And thanks to Daniel, I got to hang out with people that, I’m sure, will be famous in a couple years! However, Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman still remain to be seen.
Another of my goals was to make some friends in the Nashville area. I definitely think I have accomplished that one. I’ve strengthened a lot of friendships with people from high school and college that live up here, and also made some great friends with people from Mercy Ministries, LifeWay and my Small Group Bible Study. What a huge blessing to know that God went ahead of me to provide some great friends to be an encouragement to me during this time. I pray these friendships will continue!
These were just two of my goals for the summer. Some others include: seeing tons of live music, getting a good feel for the lay out of the city, finding a church that I like… the list could go on. But the number one goal I had for this summer was one that held utmost importance to me.
I needed to hear from God.
I needed to know if Nashville or Mercy Ministries was in the next step of my life. I needed to know if God was going to lead me to Grad school or to pursue counseling. As I asked these things, more and more questions came into my mind. These questions led to really seeking God and my experience here became about more than just discovering my future. It became about discovering more of the character of God.
I thought I knew what I was getting myself into when I started at Mercy. I mean, I knew the things that these girls dealt with, and I had read about the power of Christ to redeem and heal them.
It became real when I sat and listened to a girl- younger than me- recount the horror of what she had been through. She didn’t tell her story with a tone of self pity or with a flare for the dramatic. She simply told it. It ended with the power of God that had moved in her life as she learned for the first time that she was a beloved Child of the Most High King. She was healed, a new creation in Christ.
Wow. I barely made it through her testimony without losing it. I tried with all I had to be professional, mature. I knew that there were bad things and bad people in the world. How childish it would be to lose it now. But her story rocked me to the core. I spent time just grieving the innocence that was stolen from these girls. And I questioned God.
How could You let this happen to her? I asked.
Why do I get to live free from the things that haunted them?
Are You paying attention to what is going on down here?
I don’t think the answer comes neatly wrapped in a twenty minute Sunday school lesson. But I know that these are the very questions that the girls work through in their counseling sessions. And God isn’t afraid to face them. The truth- the very hard, painful truth- is that there is a lot of sin in the world. Sometimes people hurt others, purposeful or not, it’s just the state of the world.
Grappling with this has been no small feat for me. I know from experience and from scripture that God is good. He is. Not only is it an attribute, but it is a defining characteristic. It’s who he is. The Enemy wants me to reject this truth. But without it, nothing in the Universe or my life makes any sense.
So when I mourn for the broken, I have to know that God hurts even more. His heart is for justice, and he is near to the broken-hearted. The work done at Mercy is so near to the heart of Father God. There is comfort in that fact.
I got to attend a graduation one day. There were about five young women that were moving on from Mercy; Beginning the rest of their lives in the newness and confidence of their freedom in Christ. At every graduation, the girls recite a statement of faith. They say a lot of great things, but one sentence attached itself to my heart.
Only God knows why things happen as they do.
As a human, I just cannot know all of the answers. But by talking with a lot of people and praying though a lot hard things, I am coming to a place of submission to God in this. We just can’t know. But as a wise woman recently told me, we can walk in hope and live as vessels of God’s healing. I pray that among the many other things I may be in this life, I would always be a vessel of God’s healing.
So as I look back over my summer, and especially this last week, I would say that my prayer and main goal of this summer has been met. I have heard from God in ways that were totally unexpected. I sang to God, prayed to God, cried to God and yelled at Him. And he held me, stretched me, taught me and encouraged me through it all.
Three months have passed since I (actually, my mom… thanks, Mom!) packed up everything in Tallahassee, bid farewell to Comfortable, and said Hello to the great unknown. My summer in Nashville had been over a year in the making. From the crazy God-story of meeting Nancy Alcorn, to the application process and the preparation, to the actually event of moving out, tying up loose ends and then actually going: These three months did not come easy.
And I had high hopes about my summer in Nashville. If you had asked me about my goals for the summer, I would have had a couple of different things to mention. For starters, I was SURE that I was going to meet famous people everywhere. I mean, tons of famous musicians hang out in Nashville! Who’s to say that they won’t be hanging out around me? Well, I did meet some pretty awesome musicians, mostly because of Stacie’s family and their connections to the music industry. And thanks to Daniel, I got to hang out with people that, I’m sure, will be famous in a couple years! However, Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman still remain to be seen.
Another of my goals was to make some friends in the Nashville area. I definitely think I have accomplished that one. I’ve strengthened a lot of friendships with people from high school and college that live up here, and also made some great friends with people from Mercy Ministries, LifeWay and my Small Group Bible Study. What a huge blessing to know that God went ahead of me to provide some great friends to be an encouragement to me during this time. I pray these friendships will continue!
These were just two of my goals for the summer. Some others include: seeing tons of live music, getting a good feel for the lay out of the city, finding a church that I like… the list could go on. But the number one goal I had for this summer was one that held utmost importance to me.
I needed to hear from God.
I needed to know if Nashville or Mercy Ministries was in the next step of my life. I needed to know if God was going to lead me to Grad school or to pursue counseling. As I asked these things, more and more questions came into my mind. These questions led to really seeking God and my experience here became about more than just discovering my future. It became about discovering more of the character of God.
I thought I knew what I was getting myself into when I started at Mercy. I mean, I knew the things that these girls dealt with, and I had read about the power of Christ to redeem and heal them.
It became real when I sat and listened to a girl- younger than me- recount the horror of what she had been through. She didn’t tell her story with a tone of self pity or with a flare for the dramatic. She simply told it. It ended with the power of God that had moved in her life as she learned for the first time that she was a beloved Child of the Most High King. She was healed, a new creation in Christ.
Wow. I barely made it through her testimony without losing it. I tried with all I had to be professional, mature. I knew that there were bad things and bad people in the world. How childish it would be to lose it now. But her story rocked me to the core. I spent time just grieving the innocence that was stolen from these girls. And I questioned God.
How could You let this happen to her? I asked.
Why do I get to live free from the things that haunted them?
Are You paying attention to what is going on down here?
I don’t think the answer comes neatly wrapped in a twenty minute Sunday school lesson. But I know that these are the very questions that the girls work through in their counseling sessions. And God isn’t afraid to face them. The truth- the very hard, painful truth- is that there is a lot of sin in the world. Sometimes people hurt others, purposeful or not, it’s just the state of the world.
Grappling with this has been no small feat for me. I know from experience and from scripture that God is good. He is. Not only is it an attribute, but it is a defining characteristic. It’s who he is. The Enemy wants me to reject this truth. But without it, nothing in the Universe or my life makes any sense.
So when I mourn for the broken, I have to know that God hurts even more. His heart is for justice, and he is near to the broken-hearted. The work done at Mercy is so near to the heart of Father God. There is comfort in that fact.
I got to attend a graduation one day. There were about five young women that were moving on from Mercy; Beginning the rest of their lives in the newness and confidence of their freedom in Christ. At every graduation, the girls recite a statement of faith. They say a lot of great things, but one sentence attached itself to my heart.
Only God knows why things happen as they do.
As a human, I just cannot know all of the answers. But by talking with a lot of people and praying though a lot hard things, I am coming to a place of submission to God in this. We just can’t know. But as a wise woman recently told me, we can walk in hope and live as vessels of God’s healing. I pray that among the many other things I may be in this life, I would always be a vessel of God’s healing.
So as I look back over my summer, and especially this last week, I would say that my prayer and main goal of this summer has been met. I have heard from God in ways that were totally unexpected. I sang to God, prayed to God, cried to God and yelled at Him. And he held me, stretched me, taught me and encouraged me through it all.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Dana's-Day-Trip
I just got back to the cabin after an awesome day working at Mercy.
I got to tag a long with our Director of Development to a conference on social media for Pastors and church leaders. The conference was in Birmingham, Alabama, and we all know I love a good road trip. And to say the least, this was a very good road trip!
Whitney and I started the day (very early) with a strong cup of coffee and a car loaded FULL of books to give away at the conference. The thing that made the conference so awesome was that the type of church represented was exactly the type that would be interested in learning about Mercy. The people there were learning how to use social media to reach a young generation immersed (and enmeshed?) in technology. This young generation needs a church that is willing to meet them where they are and use new techniques to teach the timeless truths about who Christ is. So exciting to see a group of leaders with hearts for Christ engaging the culture!
So many people came up to our booth today wanting to know how a program with our level of results could operate without accepting government money... or how girls with such extreme experiences could really be healed and redeemed... or how THEY could get involved. The fact that every person there represented a new, thriving, growing church was so exciting. It was great to share the vision and mission of Mercy with so many people, eager to learn. We gave out dozens of books based on the counseling model used at Mercy. The books will be used at churches around the U.S. to counsel girls who struggle with eating disorders, self harm, addictions and sexual abuse. I know that God is going to move in some amazing ways through the resources shared today.
And plus, it was a total blast to network with church leaders from all over who have such a passion to see the church really come together and be the body of Christ. Wow!
It was also great for me to get to spend a ton of time talking with and learning from Whitney. I value so much her (and everyone at Mercy's) willingness to teach me things... I mean, from the basics of, "How many scoops of coffee should I put in the coffee maker?" (Thanks, Deena!) to, "What do I wear to a professional luncheon?" to, "What can I expect from grad school?". The list goes on and on of the things I have learned this summer... and its not over yet.
I really have learned a ton. But even if I hadn't learned anything else, I would say that this summer has taught me to trust God for the next steps. I have come to see that God really has equipped me for this stage in life, and He is absolutely going to put me where He wants me next. I just have to try to sit back and enjoy the ride. Of course, that doesn't mean I won't have to work for it. But I know He is opening the right doors in His timing.
All that being said, I would like to add that I cannot wait to see all of my friends and family in less than three weeks! What a blessing you all are to me! Thanks for all of your prayers and letters and messages and phone calls. I am so blessed to have friends and family like you all!
One more thing: Check out some of these links about the ministries responsible for the conference...
http://www.relatedchurches.com/
www.churchofthehighlands.com/welcome
and as soon as I can figure out how to link a picture that Whitney took of us, I'll post that too!
I got to tag a long with our Director of Development to a conference on social media for Pastors and church leaders. The conference was in Birmingham, Alabama, and we all know I love a good road trip. And to say the least, this was a very good road trip!
Whitney and I started the day (very early) with a strong cup of coffee and a car loaded FULL of books to give away at the conference. The thing that made the conference so awesome was that the type of church represented was exactly the type that would be interested in learning about Mercy. The people there were learning how to use social media to reach a young generation immersed (and enmeshed?) in technology. This young generation needs a church that is willing to meet them where they are and use new techniques to teach the timeless truths about who Christ is. So exciting to see a group of leaders with hearts for Christ engaging the culture!
So many people came up to our booth today wanting to know how a program with our level of results could operate without accepting government money... or how girls with such extreme experiences could really be healed and redeemed... or how THEY could get involved. The fact that every person there represented a new, thriving, growing church was so exciting. It was great to share the vision and mission of Mercy with so many people, eager to learn. We gave out dozens of books based on the counseling model used at Mercy. The books will be used at churches around the U.S. to counsel girls who struggle with eating disorders, self harm, addictions and sexual abuse. I know that God is going to move in some amazing ways through the resources shared today.
And plus, it was a total blast to network with church leaders from all over who have such a passion to see the church really come together and be the body of Christ. Wow!
It was also great for me to get to spend a ton of time talking with and learning from Whitney. I value so much her (and everyone at Mercy's) willingness to teach me things... I mean, from the basics of, "How many scoops of coffee should I put in the coffee maker?" (Thanks, Deena!) to, "What do I wear to a professional luncheon?" to, "What can I expect from grad school?". The list goes on and on of the things I have learned this summer... and its not over yet.
I really have learned a ton. But even if I hadn't learned anything else, I would say that this summer has taught me to trust God for the next steps. I have come to see that God really has equipped me for this stage in life, and He is absolutely going to put me where He wants me next. I just have to try to sit back and enjoy the ride. Of course, that doesn't mean I won't have to work for it. But I know He is opening the right doors in His timing.
All that being said, I would like to add that I cannot wait to see all of my friends and family in less than three weeks! What a blessing you all are to me! Thanks for all of your prayers and letters and messages and phone calls. I am so blessed to have friends and family like you all!
One more thing: Check out some of these links about the ministries responsible for the conference...
http://www.relatedchurches.com/
www.churchofthehighlands.com/welcome
and as soon as I can figure out how to link a picture that Whitney took of us, I'll post that too!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Granma's Easy as Ice-Box Peanut Butter Pie
Oh, the Joy of Baking!
I woke up to a cooler-than-usual morning in Tennessee, today. All of the doors and windows stood open when I got out of bed, but by mid-afternoon, the cool of morning had evaporated and it became uncomfortably warm. An A/C repair man was hard at work when I returned from the store and I realized, it hadn't been my imagination... something was wrong with the A/C.
Though I had wanted to bake something special for the holiday, the thought of adding heat to this house was oppressive.
So instead, I remembered a pie that my granma makes. It's one of my brothers' favorite pies and to me, it just tastes like family traditions. It was the perfect solution to summer heat, my serious sweet tooth and the low level homesickness that I have been battling on and off all summer:
I woke up to a cooler-than-usual morning in Tennessee, today. All of the doors and windows stood open when I got out of bed, but by mid-afternoon, the cool of morning had evaporated and it became uncomfortably warm. An A/C repair man was hard at work when I returned from the store and I realized, it hadn't been my imagination... something was wrong with the A/C.
Though I had wanted to bake something special for the holiday, the thought of adding heat to this house was oppressive.
So instead, I remembered a pie that my granma makes. It's one of my brothers' favorite pies and to me, it just tastes like family traditions. It was the perfect solution to summer heat, my serious sweet tooth and the low level homesickness that I have been battling on and off all summer:
Granma's Easy as Ice-box Peanut Butter Pie
1. 8 oz Cream Cheese
2. 1 Cup Confectioner's Sugar
3. 1/2 Cup Milk
4. 3/4 Cup Crunchy Peanut Butter
5. 13 1/2 oz Cool Whip
(You want the Cream Cheese and Cool Whip to be just under room temperature, so leave 'em on the counter while you're getting ready. That way they blend easier.)
Also: two pre-made graham cracker pie shells.
- These are easy to make from scratch if you don't mind baking a little bit. Just crush (or buy pre-crushed) graham crackers until you have about 2 Cups worth, melt a stick of butter, mix together with a fork and add whatever sugars or spices you like. Mush into place in a 9 in. pie pan and then bake for about 15 minutes at 350, or until it smells strongly of butter. Mmmm!
There is absolutely nothing complicated about this pie. That's what I love about it. From start to finish, you can have a mostly home made PNB pie in about 30 minutes. Delicious! Of course, you'll want to plan on freezing it for about an hour, or if you have plenty of time, just leave it in the fridge and it should firm up just fine.
1. Combine and blend the cream cheese, confectioner's sugar and milk.
2. Add the Peanut butter, mix well
3. Fold in the Cool Whip. (Needless to say, it 'folds' much easier if it isn't frozen!)
4. Pour into pie crust and top with whatever you like. I used a cheese grater to top mine with some chocolate flakes. It kind of made a mess, but its delicious! Just remember that its nearly impossible to grate (Or handle at all) regular chocolate. You need to use baking chocolate. That may seems obvious to some, but for those of us that are just learning as we go, its a helpful tip. From experience, I can say that a regular chocolate bar will become a melt-y, mushy, mess long before you can even get it out of the package.
With a nice topping of grated chocolate, or chopped nuts, or chocolate syrup (Or all three!), this pie can look pretty special. And presentation is everything! Well, almost. Taste doesn't hurt either!
BY THE WAY: This recipe makes two pies. Which, if you ask me, is even better. One for me here in the cabin, and one to share!
Baking- or I guess I should say 'assembling'- this pie reminds me of family so much. Its a comforting ritual... doing somehting familiar and standing near the freezer in the heat of July. How refreshing! It just feels good. I hope that all of you have wonderful Fourth of July weekends, enjoying friends and family and the Freedom that makes this Nation unlike any other.
"How good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell together in Unity" -Praise the Lord!
-Psalm 133:1
I Love My Job
The greatest thing happened yesterday.
I was working at LifeWay, and this lady brought a board game up to purchase. When I rang it up, it was 90% off, only $3.00. Wow! So I looked at it...
And it was "The Settlers of Canaan"!!! The Churchy version of "Settlers of Catan". And seeing as how I have some very special friends that love this game, I had to buy the last one we had in the store. I was trying not to burst out laughing in the face of the woman who was actually buying it for herself. Maybe she thought it was hilarious too, but was trying to hide her amusement, just like me.
That is ridiculously awesome. Maybe more ridiculous than awesome, but still, definitely worth getting exited about.
I hope to play this game someday with those wonderful friends that introduced the original version to me a couple of months ago. What could be better??
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
The past few weeks...
So much has been happening lately! And every time I think that I should post a blog about something, I get distracted by something NEW! So I thought I would give a brief overview of my life as of the last few weeks.
Lets see, where was I? Well, since I last posted, I was given two FREE tickets to the CMA Festival (Country Music Heaven!) by my wonderful roommate! It was crazy to see how huge the event was, and I even got to see Brooks and Dunn and then Reba perform before it got rained out. So that was awesome!
Things at Mercy have been really busy. Although I don’t do much planning type of stuff, I get to sit in on the planning meetings, which has been so cool. I definitely feel like I am gaining some insight on event planning. There is a 5k coming up in October that will benefit the Nashville home… I’m really trying to make it back up so that I can run in it! Check out this link to see a picture of the planning committee… These women are amazing! http://twitpic.com/7sv34
This last weekend there was a HUGE charity softball event, hosted by Jeff Fischer, the head coach of the Tennessee Titans. He and the Titans are long time supporters of Mercy… they donate $10,000 per win! So everyone at Mercy really loves the Titans! The event was a huge success, with a much larger turn out than in years past. Since Mercy was one of the beneficiaries, I got to go and man the booth! It was reeeeaally hot. Although I’m sure that those of you in Florida feel no pity for me! Check out a picture (and Nancy Alcorn’s Blog) of the event here at http://nancyalcorn.blogspot.com/ I’m in a picture in the slide show… go ahead and laugh at how short I am! I know, I’m tiny!
As of today, I have some exciting news… I got a haircut. I feel so Nashville.
(Ok Lindsay, you called it, I just had to blog about it!)
And tonight was awesome. After work Lindsay, Stacie and I went to a Songwriter showcase with her parents at the Rutledge in downtown Nashville. As I’m sure you can all imagine, I was psyched to be checking out the music scene! Not only did I get to hear some awesome music (Audrey Assad, check her out, this girl’s got some pipes http://www.myspace.com/audreyassadsings !!) I also ran into a friend from my small group in Tallahassee that is interning in Nashville for the summer, too. Too weird! I mean, what are the chances?? Anyway… Things are going great. I really do love it here. And everyday is an adventure!
Lets see, where was I? Well, since I last posted, I was given two FREE tickets to the CMA Festival (Country Music Heaven!) by my wonderful roommate! It was crazy to see how huge the event was, and I even got to see Brooks and Dunn and then Reba perform before it got rained out. So that was awesome!
Things at Mercy have been really busy. Although I don’t do much planning type of stuff, I get to sit in on the planning meetings, which has been so cool. I definitely feel like I am gaining some insight on event planning. There is a 5k coming up in October that will benefit the Nashville home… I’m really trying to make it back up so that I can run in it! Check out this link to see a picture of the planning committee… These women are amazing! http://twitpic.com/7sv34
This last weekend there was a HUGE charity softball event, hosted by Jeff Fischer, the head coach of the Tennessee Titans. He and the Titans are long time supporters of Mercy… they donate $10,000 per win! So everyone at Mercy really loves the Titans! The event was a huge success, with a much larger turn out than in years past. Since Mercy was one of the beneficiaries, I got to go and man the booth! It was reeeeaally hot. Although I’m sure that those of you in Florida feel no pity for me! Check out a picture (and Nancy Alcorn’s Blog) of the event here at http://nancyalcorn.blogspot.com/ I’m in a picture in the slide show… go ahead and laugh at how short I am! I know, I’m tiny!
As of today, I have some exciting news… I got a haircut. I feel so Nashville.
(Ok Lindsay, you called it, I just had to blog about it!)
And tonight was awesome. After work Lindsay, Stacie and I went to a Songwriter showcase with her parents at the Rutledge in downtown Nashville. As I’m sure you can all imagine, I was psyched to be checking out the music scene! Not only did I get to hear some awesome music (Audrey Assad, check her out, this girl’s got some pipes http://www.myspace.com/audreyassadsings !!) I also ran into a friend from my small group in Tallahassee that is interning in Nashville for the summer, too. Too weird! I mean, what are the chances?? Anyway… Things are going great. I really do love it here. And everyday is an adventure!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Danas-Double-Take
The fireflies were out tonight. They reminded me of a rafting trip I went on when I was in middle school. That was the first time I had been to Tennessee. I remember being astonished that the sun didn’t set until nine, and that a subtle coolness moved in with the evening air. And the fireflies were pretty great too. They floated a couple feet above the ground, clumsily bobbing up and down, here and there; disappearing after every flash of light. Now, just like then, they capture my wandering attention.
Nostalgia runs pretty thick this time of dusk. I can’t seem hold myself in this moment for long. I keep thinking about what’s next. I don’t want to go home. Mostly because I can’t figure out where home is. I feel again the aching of uncertainty. All at once I’m fifteen again. Moving cities; Missing friends; Lost in the middle of everything changing. I remember exactly what it felt like then.
I remember the pain of moving as a teenager, lost in my own little world. One day after moving to Tampa, my mom gave me a CD and a card. The CD was Shane and Shane ‘Upstairs’. I still love the Shanes, even though I lost the CD a while back. I remember feeling understood and comforted. A spark of hope. A small encouragement. It means a lot to be understood.
I know I can’t hold on to the past. I can barely get a grip on now. And yet, every time I think about what the future holds, I am torn between chasing every possibility, leaping towards the adventure I want for myself, and wanting to curl up in bed and hide from whatever ‘next step’ I need to take.
Tonight I was trying to understand myself. Why can’t I just pick something to want and chase it? Where ever I go, I know I’m going to feel homesick. For people, for places, for just the warm-blanket feeling of Home.
Tonight as the sun went down behind the big tree in the yard, the birds stopped chirping for a moment and let the crickets take full stage. ‘Maybe this feels like home.’ I thought.
After thinking all of this through, I stood up and walked back inside. Connie was standing in the kitchen. She had brought me a something from her work. At WorldVision, they have artists support their ministry by encouraging their fans to sponsor children. And Shane and Shane happen to be one of their best supporters.
‘I thought you might like this CD,’ She said.
It was Shane and Shane ‘Upstairs’. When I saw it, my eyes filled with tears. I couldn’t believe it was the same CD. I remembered the compassion that my mom had shown me as a teenager, and the peace I had felt knowing that in my confusion, God would be glorified. Connie's act of kindness reminded me of that. And in this season, I have that same confidence.
Nostalgia runs pretty thick this time of dusk. I can’t seem hold myself in this moment for long. I keep thinking about what’s next. I don’t want to go home. Mostly because I can’t figure out where home is. I feel again the aching of uncertainty. All at once I’m fifteen again. Moving cities; Missing friends; Lost in the middle of everything changing. I remember exactly what it felt like then.
I remember the pain of moving as a teenager, lost in my own little world. One day after moving to Tampa, my mom gave me a CD and a card. The CD was Shane and Shane ‘Upstairs’. I still love the Shanes, even though I lost the CD a while back. I remember feeling understood and comforted. A spark of hope. A small encouragement. It means a lot to be understood.
I know I can’t hold on to the past. I can barely get a grip on now. And yet, every time I think about what the future holds, I am torn between chasing every possibility, leaping towards the adventure I want for myself, and wanting to curl up in bed and hide from whatever ‘next step’ I need to take.
Tonight I was trying to understand myself. Why can’t I just pick something to want and chase it? Where ever I go, I know I’m going to feel homesick. For people, for places, for just the warm-blanket feeling of Home.
Tonight as the sun went down behind the big tree in the yard, the birds stopped chirping for a moment and let the crickets take full stage. ‘Maybe this feels like home.’ I thought.
After thinking all of this through, I stood up and walked back inside. Connie was standing in the kitchen. She had brought me a something from her work. At WorldVision, they have artists support their ministry by encouraging their fans to sponsor children. And Shane and Shane happen to be one of their best supporters.
‘I thought you might like this CD,’ She said.
It was Shane and Shane ‘Upstairs’. When I saw it, my eyes filled with tears. I couldn’t believe it was the same CD. I remembered the compassion that my mom had shown me as a teenager, and the peace I had felt knowing that in my confusion, God would be glorified. Connie's act of kindness reminded me of that. And in this season, I have that same confidence.
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